In Maryland, UnderWoman has time to concentrate on herself.
What else is there to do, since she neglected to have kids and buy a house here so many years ago?
As soon as she has regained adequate physical and emotional strength, she calls the marketing department of Under Armour, also based in Maryland, in hopes of procuring potential sponsorship and cross-promotion opportunities.
Her tides must be turning, because UnderWoman almost immediately receives a call back from an Under Armour’s talent agent, who accuses UnderWoman of…having skinny arms!
What does he expect? UnderWoman’s logo — unlike the expensive ones that her person, brand builder Wendy Do-It, has helped spearhead for major companies, projects and products — cost $0, and is in fact cut out from her Sweet Sixteen caricature, when UW was even more energetic than she is now…and very nearly anorexic.
The agency is not the first to proclaim that UW’s big eyes and thin thighs might send the wrong message to a world already plagued with eating disorders and misplaced aspirations towards them.
More importantly, UnderWoman asks, what does Under Armour PROPOSE?
Despite her disabilities, Under Armour proposes that UnderWoman take up weight training and at least one sport.
Well! Intel had wanted Wendy Do-It to get good at golf shortly before her myasthenia gravis diagnosis. Back then, Intel was launching the Tiger Woods Learning Centers, and thought that some some “course time” could extend Wendy’s schmoozing repertoire from after-hours drinking with clients (at which she excelled) into the daylight hours.
Simultaneously, Wendy had tried taking up tennis again. But alas, the signs she posted in Central Park didn’t attract quite the attention she’d wanted:
“Middle-aged girl, with small head (racquets had enlarged since her last foray into the field) and no balls (why invest in balls until one needed balls…) seeks patient partner to take to the courts.”
Then, too, her AOL boss had been so big into basketball that he ultimately ended up owning the team! Hopefully they would take in some home games together soon.
But first things first:
UnderWoman seeks an illustrator with bold Sharpie to bulk her up — ideally also replacing the heart from her Sweet Sixteen caricature with golf club, tennis racquet, basketball.
UnderWoman seeks a personal trainer.
And she seeks a few good sponsors….
For the patience and funds of Merrie Do-It are running short. And UnderWoman longs to stand on her own two feet again….But this time, on stronger legs!